The media often presents stories in ways that increase fear.
Headlines are far more likely to say “GIRL ATTACKED!” than “GIRL
PROTECTS HERSELF FROM ATTACKER!” We are more likely to read, ”ATTEMPTED
ABDUCTION!” instead of “CHILD STOPS ABDUCTION!”
When we, as parents and caregivers, follow stories like this,
we are wise to reflect on what happens for ourselves and the
children in our care in the process. In general, just talking and
hearing about dangers increases anxiety and fears. Practicing ways
to deal with the problem builds confidence and reduces anxiety.
When violence of any kind happens close to home, especially if it
is violence against a young person, we often find ourselves poring
over the newspaper for information or listening to radio or TV
reports in hopes of good news.
This is an excellent time to ask ourselves the following
questions:
• Is my child aware of this situation (kidnapping, etc)
because of the TV or radio?
• What is the nature of the pictures in the newspaper,
particularly on the cover?
• Is my child a precocious reader or early language learner
who might be processing this information with a level of detail
that would not be acceptable to me?
• Are there "missing child" fliers placed where my
young reader can read them?
• Is my child in the company of adults who might discuss or
listen to details about this incident without realizing my child's
ability to perceive pieces of the story or the fear surrounding
it?
• Is my child in groups of children (school, camp) who might
be sharing details of this situation, both accurate and
inaccurate, with one another?
• Is my own awareness of child safety risks running high? Is
that awareness causing • me• anxiety?
• Is my behavior different or emotionally charged enough for
my child to perceive that something is causing me anxiety?
• Has my own "talking about dangers" behavior
increased (i.e. have I been saying more frequently, "Remember
to walk with friends... If someone tries to grab you, just
run!".....etc.)
• Have I used this as an opportunity to review skills through
positive, upbeat practice in order to reduce fear and build
confidence?
As adults, we can often make choices about the information we
want children to hear. Some parents regulate the flow of
information tightly; others less so. No matter where we are on
this scale, our children are safest when we help them manage the
information they DO have; they are far less safe when they discuss
scary information or situations they hear about only with their
peers or not at all. Our research and experience show us that the
best way to manage scary information is through practice of skills
to deal with it, though talking certainly has its place when that
talking increases the ADULT awareness about the EXISTING thoughts
and concerns of the child and when it enables adults to correct
misinformation or to express a difficult concept in a way that
makes sense without adding more scary information.
We are all relieved when a child who has been kidnapped or
attacked escapes and is safe. However, this event is not over for
these children, their community, or, to a smaller degree, for the
rest of us. Violence has a ripple effect through time and through
people. Fear from scary events is normal. At the same time, fear
can be the fuel for action and for positive, skill-building
practice.
When something frightening is happening in the media, take a
moment to reflect on how you doing and how your kids are doing.
Give yourself the time and space to calm any fear and anxiety
about safety that might be reducing the quality of life for your
family. Taking charge in this way can reduce fear, increase
confidence and competence, and bring kids and parents closer
together.
