“Stranger Danger” vs. STRANGER SAFTEY
Teaching safety without teaching fear
“Stranger danger” is an idea that can increase anxiety and make
it harder for us to figure out ways of helping our children stay
safe. Instead, at KIDPOWER we talk about stranger safety.
Rather than focusing on the bad things that sometimes happen, we
encourage parents and caregivers to focus on teaching and practicing
the skills and behaviors they want their children to use to stay safe
with strangers.
This perspective shows up in this Q&A from one of our past
newsletters:
QUESTION: How can I teach my timid young daughter to be careful
of strangers without making her afraid of everyone?
ANSWER:
Be sure that you are calm yourself when you talk to your daughter.
If you sound anxious, she will pick up on that. Talking about
“stranger danger” or focusing on scary stories can increase fear
and anxiety for both of you. Instead, tell your daughter in a
matter-of-fact way that you believe that most people are GOOD, and
that this means that most strangers are good, but that a few people
have problems that might cause them to hurt kids.
Tell your daughter that she does NOT have to worry about strangers
if she follows your safety rules. If your daughter is by herself, the
safety rule is to come and check with you first before she gets close
to or talks to anyone she doesn't know well. Help her come up with
specific examples of people she knows well and people she doesn't.
If your daughter becomes separated from you, she needs to know what
your safety plan is if she is, for example, lost and cannot check
first. In that case, she should go to the checkout counter or, if that
doesn’t work, look for a woman with children to help her.
When your daughter gets old enough to be on her own without you,
her safety rule is to THINK FIRST and to know how to GET HELP.
Remember that most of the people who harm children are not
strangers but people they know. Be sure that you teach your daughter
how to set boundaries with people she knows. Her safety plan is to
check with you before she changes the plan about who she is with,
where they are going and what they are doing.
“Stranger danger” stories can drastically increase children’s
awareness of potential danger, and studies have shown that just
raising awareness without practicing skills can raise anxiety.
Practicing skills to rehearse how to handle different situations
almost always reduces anxiety and builds competence. Have your
daughter pretend that a friendly stranger is approaching her and have
her practice coming to you to check first. Discuss and practice
different safety plans for getting help from strangers if your
daughter cannot find you to check with first.
©
Copyright 2004. All rights reserved.
A publication of KIDPOWER TEENPOWER FULLPOWER International
www.kidpower.org
831-426-4407
Permission to reproduce granted with copyright notice and contact
information
at beginning and end of each article used.
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