Children’s personal safety
How to decide whether a child is ready for
more freedom or new privileges
Children’s personal safety involves a delicate balance between
adult supervision and children’s independence. "Is my
nine-year-old old enough to walk to school?" a mother asked
during a Parent Education workshop earlier this week. As I talked with
her, I realized that although this woman, her child, and their life
situation were unique, her question reflected a common concern
expressed by many adults from all walks of life caring for children of
all ages.
I have rarely left a Parent Education workshop without addressing
at least one question with the structure, "Is my [AGE]-year-old
old enough to [NAME OF ACTIVITY]." For example:
"Is my six-year-old old enough to play in the front yard on
her own?"
"Is my ten-year-old old enough to walk to the store on her
own?"
"Is my thirteen-year-old old enough to ride public
transportation on his own?"
Each of the questions about children’s personal safety above
rests on the underlying assumption that there exists an actual age at
which children in general are ready to manage certain activities
independently and safely. In our search to identify the appropriate
age for the activity we are considering, we can find ourselves looking
to the parents of our children's peers and making the decision that
"most parents" we see seem to be making. We might even find
ourselves downplaying our own uncomfortable feelings -- "I must
be too protective if the other families are letting their kids walk to
school" -- rather than examining them.
When we, as parents and caregivers, reframe questions about
children’s personal safety as skill-based questions rather than
age-based ones, we can be far more effective in deciding what is best
for the children in our care and far more confident in our decision.
When considering a new freedom for a child, we can ask ourselves,
"Does this child demonstrate the skills s/he needs to play in the
front yard alone?....to walk to the store alone?....to ride public
transportation alone?"
To answer this question, we need to make an honest assessment of
the reasonable risks presented by the activity we are considering.
Then, we can ask ourselves if the child demonstrates the capacity to
take action to prevent, avoid, deescalate, or escape those risks. We
also want to think about where the child could get help if s/he
encountered one of these risks.
For example, a child walking to school on his or her own will quite
likely face risks presented by cars. This risk will be different in
different neighborhoods and will be affected by the number of cars,
the speed at which they travel, the absence or presence of sidewalks,
the number of intersections the child will need to cross, and the
overall safety of those intersections.
The child walking to school might also encounter potentially
dangerous attention from others, either strangers or people they know,
such as groups of older children engaging in bullying behavior.
Children walking in an urban area may live in a region with a higher
rate of crime but might also be walking along a road with an abundance
of open stores and restaurants they could enter to get help. Children
walking in a rural or suburban area may live with a statistically
lower rate of crime but, if faced with an emergency, may have to run
quite a distance in order to reach a place where they can get help.
After assessing the level of children’s personal safety risks, we
can then ask ourselves skill-related questions such as the following,
which relate to the example of walking to school: Does the child in my
care walk with awareness and confidence, or does this child tend to
get dreamy or lost in thought? Does this child consistently
demonstrate safe behaviors in interactions with strangers? Does this
child demonstrate skills to stay safe around cars, such as crossing at
marked intersections, looking both ways, and waiting for the light to
change? Finally, does this child take charge when feeling
uncomfortable by getting help when necessary, even when that means
inconveniencing others and being persistent until help is given?
Children’s personal safety, like adult personal safety, relies
largely on a willingness and an ability to get help when it’s
needed.
Incorporating success-based safety practices into our everyday
lives with children can increase our ability to assess their level of
skill while we are also helping those skills to develop. We can answer
children's demands for more freedom with skill-based, matter-of-fact
statements: "I will feel more confident letting you walk to
school when I see that you are walking with awareness and confidence
out in the world... When I believe you are ready to follow our safety
rules about talking with people you don't know when you are on your
own.... When I know that you know how to get help if you need
it." Then, PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE by role-playing so that
your child has the chance to develop these skills in a positive,
success-based learning situation!
Once we make a decision about whether or not to give a child
greater independence, we may still compare our decision with the
decisions other parents and caregivers are making about the freedom of
their children. This can, at times, lead to valuable insight. It can
also lead to uncomfortable feelings, especially if our decisions are
different from everyone else's.
Children’s personal safety, however, is more important than our
own uncomfortable feelings, and when we make decisions about
independence for our child based on risk and skill assessment, we can
feel confident that we made the best possible decision for our own,
unique child.
©
Copyright 2004. All rights reserved.
A publication of KIDPOWER TEENPOWER FULLPOWER International
www.kidpower.org
831-426-4407
Permission to reproduce granted with copyright notice and contact
information
at beginning and end of each article used.
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