Self-Defense for Adults
How to look and sound like you mean it
Self defense includes more than knowing how to hit or kick; it also
includes knowing skills and behaviors that can prevent a problem in
the first place.
People are more likely to believe you and do what you want them to
if you sound and look like you believe in what you are saying. This is
true whether you are ordering someone approaching you on the street to
leave you alone, telling a co-worker to stop making insulting jokes,
inviting someone to join you for lunch, marketing something, or asking
someone to donate money to your favorite cause.
You can change your way of presenting yourself depending on what
you want. If you want someone who is scaring or bothering you to stop
some behavior, be definite. If you want another person to be
interested in doing something with you, be enthusiastic. If you want
someone who is scared to feel safe, be caring.
For effective self defense and self advocacy, pay attention to your
tone of voice and choice of words. Are you raising the tone at the end
of each sentence to make it a question? Making statements into
questions leaves you sounding uncertain and anxious. Are your words
vague or positive and clear? If you want to communicate something
really important to you, it can be worth taking the time to write the
words down and practice out loud in front of a mirror. Get feedback
from other people to make sure that you sound both confident and
respectful.
Pay attention to your body language and facial expressions;
projecting an attitude of awareness and confidence is a powerful self
defense skill. Are your shoulders slumped? Is your head down? Do you
have an apologetic smile on your face? This makes you look like a
victim. Are you glaring at someone and making rude gestures? This
makes you look like an aggressor. Most communications with others will
work best if your body is upright and your face is calm.
In a confrontation, ordering someone to "PLEASE STOP!" is
apt to work much better than, "Would you please stop, okay?"
At the same time, you don't want to escalate a potential confrontation
by insulting someone. Dealing with a conflict works best if your
voice, tone, words, body, and expression are firm, polite, strong and
clear.
What about a situation in which you are trying to get someone to do
something you think is worthwhile? Make sure that you don't sound
whiny or phony. It is hard not to sound like a pleading child if you
really want someone to do something. It is normal to feel frustrated
with other people when they don't do what you want. However, people
are rarely motivated by feeling guilty blamed. Even the tiniest hint
of negativity is likely to cause the other person to not want to deal
with you. At the same time, a friendly tone of voice covering up
irritation can come across as phony and make you sound untrustworthy.
Try to empathize with the other person's perspective. People are
often overwhelmed by their lives. They are most likely to listen to
you if your voice, words, body, face and underlying attitude are
consistently positive.
Self defense skills such as these – projecting an attitude of
awareness and confidence, looking and sounding like you mean what you
are saying – can prevent many problems from escalating. They
can also be effective tools for getting what you want much of the
time.
©
Copyright 2004. All rights reserved.
A publication of KIDPOWER TEENPOWER FULLPOWER International
www.kidpower.org
831-426-4407
Permission to reproduce granted with copyright notice and contact
information
at beginning and end of each article used.
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