Self Defense for Men
Tips for avoiding, deescalating, escaping
potentially dangerous situations
Self defense for men is important, because many men experience
threats to their safety and many men feel strongly about wanting to
live a life without violence. Often in our articles about self
defense, what we say is slanted towards, or is specifically for,
women. This is simply because women are more likely to be concerned
about personal safety on a daily basis, and most of our adult class
students are women.
As a man, I’m not worried about being attacked when I take the
dog for a walk, go to the mailbox, return to our van in a parking lot,
or notice a woman looking at me. But such common, everyday occurrences
can be a time of anxiety for many women. The average woman going about
her daily activities FEELS more concern about her safety, and rightly
so, because she IS more in danger of violence than the average man.
However, many men are also concerned about safety, both their own
and for their families. In some ways, they may feel reluctant to talk
to others about self defense for men because of the social idea that
they, as men, are already supposed to be able to take care of
themselves and their loved ones. But many of us, of course, did not
grow up in the circumstances where we would actually learn to fight
other young men. So, we don’t actually know what to do and don’t
have confidence in our natural abilities.
You are safest if you see fighting as a last resort and do what you
can to stay safe without having to fight; this is true in self-defense
for men as well as for women. Your safest choice is to try to
use your awareness and intuition to avoid possible trouble. Your
target denial and verbal skills can defuse most potentially dangerous
situations. And it is important to know how to fight when you have no
other choice.
A key difference between self defense for men and for women comes
in the reasons a man might attack another and in how men are trained
to respond to perceived threats. A source of considerable danger for
men is the tendency to fight over words, property or territory. You
could be attacked because of this, or you may be tempted to start a
fight for such reasons. Women often need to have their self-protective
instincts, and their natural ability to fight, woken up. Men often
need to have their tendency towards self-righteous anger and their
tendency to fight throttled back and channeled in more effective and
POSITIVELY self-protective ways.
An insult, real or imagined, can be enough to precipitate a fight.
One principle of self defense for men in any of these situations...
don’t! Don’t engage in such fights, and don’t start them. Don’t
give an attacker an excuse. Don’t give that stupid driver the
finger, tailgate him to show your impatience, or cut him off to
retaliate against him for cutting you off. It’s not worth the
possible result of him pulling a gun and killing you. And don’t
instigate such a fight yourself. Don’t fight someone because he
called you a name or cut you off in traffic.
One really blunt way to think of this... You absolutely must avoid
physical confrontation at any cost until the final line is crossed.
That line might be a threat to your life, a sexual assault on you or a
member of your family, or a threat to their lives. It might be a
similar threat to a person you don’t know – the final line is
different for different people. But when the final line is crossed,
you make your stand. You fight 100%. You must fight with a willingness
to risk death. Would you be willing to take that risk if your
six-year-old daughter was being hauled into a van by an abductor? Of
course you would! You wouldn’t even think about it for a moment.
IF YOU ARE NOT PREPARED TO FIGHT IN THIS SPIRIT, YOU SHOULDN’T BE
IN THE FIGHT. If what you are fighting over is not worth risking
death, you must just walk away. You absolutely should not be fighting
because, in this modern world, this guy who attacked you may very well
be prepared to kill you, or at the very least, he may not care if he
does.
(Special note for most women reading this: this advice in not meant
for you unless you have a tendency to escalate situations. This is
gender specific advice about self defense for men because the
realities for most men and most women are different. Attacks on most
women are most often predatory, and most women are likely to avoid
confrontation when they can. Attacks on most men are likely to be
competitive, and men often get sucked into fighting back when their
safest choice would be to walk away.)
If it does become necessary to fight, unless you are quite highly
trained, don’t rely on punching. Your legs are much stronger, and
the chances of you breaking your fingers or wrist are quite high.
Fingers tightly squeezed together and jabbed full-force into someone’s
eye will do more to end a fight than most people’s punching. Thigh
smashes or kicks to the groin or head are far more powerful than your
arms.
In real fighting, there are two kinds of blows – opening strikes
and finishing strikes. If this is potentially a life or death
situation, there is only one way to fight – 100%. There is no room
for tactical strikes in a real fight, like punching someone in the
ribs or the side of the head.
You can keep yourself and your loved ones safe in most
circumstances. First of all, make safety plans with your family about
how to handle possible danger from people in the same way that you
should make safety plans about other dangers such as fire. Second of
all, wisely avoid danger when you see or feel it coming. Do not fight
over insults, property or territory. Treat fighting as a last resort,
when you have no other way to escape a "final line" life or
death situation. Anything short of that, you should swallow your pride
and walk away. If you have to fight, then be ready to do so totally
and without reservation until you have the chance to escape. Then, do
not continue the fight – leave and get yourself and the people
important to you to safety as quickly as you can. Taking a class
in self defense for men can help you develop confidence in these
various skills.
Self defense for men, like self defense for women and for children,
includes a variety of skills that can help prevent, avoid, or
deescalate problems most of the time. As with all skills, the
opportunity to practice makes them stronger. Please contact
KIDPOWER TEENPOWER FULLPOWER at safety@kidpower.org
or at 1-800-467-6997 for more information on how we can help you or
your loved ones develop these skills.
©
Copyright 2004. All rights reserved.
A publication of KIDPOWER TEENPOWER FULLPOWER International
www.kidpower.org
831-426-4407
Permission to reproduce granted with copyright notice and contact
information
at beginning and end of each article used.
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