Violence in schools
Helping children feel empowered in the face of
armed violence in schools
Violence in schools anywhere can leave parents and
children everywhere feeling overwhelmed with worry.
Right after the shootings at Columbine High School, a six-year-old
girl in a workshop at a private school asked me, “What if someone
comes to our school and starts shooting everybody?” Along with all
of the other adults in the room, I looked into her little face and
felt ill that she even had to wonder about it.
Violence in schools becomes heartbreakingly and urgently on our
minds each time a new tragedy takes place. The threat of violence
looms over all children no matter where they live or what their family
situation is. It is important to address the concerns of children as
gun violence is occurring more frequently and is ever-present in the
media. Although nothing works all of the time, the following
suggestions can help children to feel less helpless and more prepared
in the face of armed violence in schools.
Be a Safe Calm Person to Talk To
Children of any age need to know that adults are willing to listen
to their fears. It is important that adults treat children with
respect when they talk about their problems. You need to find a
balance between listening and supporting without burdening children
with your own fears.
Because of your own anxieties, it might be tempting to try to make
children feel better in the moment by pretending that the situation is
not really that bad. If you act like something is too terrifying even
to talk about, this will make children more afraid. They might want to
protect you by not sharing their fears and this can leave them feeling
really alone.
It can also be hard not to overreact and sound panic-stricken
yourself. If their adults are overwhelmed and afraid, this can be
traumatic for children. The subject of violence in schools can,
of course, be upsetting for adults, so be sure to get support for your
own feelings from other adults if you need it.
Children need adults to listen and explain what is happening and
what they should do as calmly and matter-of-factly as possible. Tell
children to tell you if ANYONE is making them uncomfortable about
ANYTHING. Having children in the habit of talking to you will help you
to judge whether or not a situation is potentially dangerous.
Violence in schools sometimes grows from ongoing problems between
children, and with an understanding of what’s happening at school,
adults may be able to prevent some problems from growing.
Make Sure it is Safe to Tell At School
It is your job as an adult to take charge of the environments in
which your children spend time as best you can. Make sure that your
school has a plan for dealing with armed violence just like any other
emergency. Make sure that adults are trained in how to deal with a
child who makes a report about another child, because violence in
schools can escalate if problems are not managed in a way that
protects students who make reports.
One girl who was in a very exclusive school in a quiet neighborhood
heard a boy bragging about his gun. When she told the principal, the
gun was found and the boy was suspended. However, the principal
handled the situation in a way that caused the girl to be identified
and then he put her back into the classroom. The boy’s friends
threatened to kill her. The trauma she went through could have been
prevented if the school officials had understood how important is to
protect the identity of children who tell in order to prevent violence
in schools.
What Adults Can Say to Children About What Happens to People’s
Minds and Bodies in an Emergency
You can tell children, “Any time you have an emergency--like a
car wreck, an earthquake, a flood, a tornado, or somebody being
dangerous-- your first feeling will most likely be disbelief. You will
probably think, 'It's not true. It is impossible! This can't be!' The
sooner you can get over your disbelief and see what is actually
happening, the sooner you can start to protect yourself."
"Next, you will probably experience some very strong feelings
because of chemical in your body called adrenaline. Adrenaline
can make you feel full of energy, or it can make you feel shaky, weak
or sick to your stomach. Sometimes all of these feelings come at the
same time, which can be a bit confusing. Your body might go into a
panic and want to run or freeze or start fighting, whether it makes
sense or not. The GOOD NEWS is that you can learn to use the
energy from your adrenaline to give you LOTS OF POWER while still
thinking clearly so you can make the safest choices for yourself. If
you practice the safest way to handle different emergencies, you will
be able to act quickly because your body will already know what to do.”
Using role play to rehears handling different emergencies,
including potential violence in schools, can prepare children to react
effectively and quickly -- and to have their adrenaline work for them
instead of against them.
Violence in Schools and Elsewhere: What Adults Can Say to
Children About Getting Away, Getting Hurt, and Getting Help
Most children want to know what to do if the worst happens. It is
less upsetting to imagine a plan than to keep imagining disaster. You
can tell children, “The safest thing to do almost always if someone
starts waving a gun or a knife or starts shooting is to get away right
away as quickly and quietly as you can. You will almost always be
safer if you keep running away even if the person with the gun tells
you to stop. Even if the person is saying he or she will hurt someone
else if you run, the best chance you have for helping that person is
to run away and get help.” This is useful advice for violence
in general, not just violence in schools.
It is good for children to have a safety plan for how to get out of
a building in case of danger – whether the danger comes from a fire
or a person. You can say, “Your job is to get out of the building as
far from the danger as possible. So let’s think about everywhere you
might be and how you might get out if you need to. You can go out the
door or, if you have to, jump out of the window. If you cannot get out
and the danger is from a fire, look for a place near a window, away
from the fire and yell for help. If the danger is from a person and
you cannot get out, look for a place to hide that covers up all of
you.”
It is worth getting injured to get away from someone who is
shooting. One of the boys at Columbine escaped by throwing himself out
the window. He got cut up badly, but he survived and is having a good
life. Most of the children who were standing still in shock or who
were hiding under the tables got shot.
You can tell children, “You might need to get hurt in order to
get away. If a gun shoots, it will be loud. The great thing about
adrenaline is that it can help you to run fast, even if you are hurt
or start to bleed. If you are hurt by a gun, you can get better
most of the time, just like you get better most of the time when you
fall down and get hurt and bloody.”
Tell children, “Once you get out, as soon as you safely can, find
an adult you trust to go to for help. Now, let’s think about
different places you might be and where you could go to get help after
you got out.” Take the time to brainstorm ideas about getting out
and getting help with the children. Teach children how to call 911;
their full name, address, and telephone number; and how to use
different types of telephones.
What Adults Can Say to Children About Kids Having Weapons At
School
You can tell children that, “Sometimes kids like to joke or brag
about having or using guns or bombs or about hurting animals or
people. Most of the time, they are just pretending, but once in a
while, they are not. If someone is talking like this, this person
might have big problems and I want you to tell me about it as soon as
you can.”
Young people need to know how to get away from anyone who makes
them uncomfortable without saying what they think. This might mean
that they have to lie to stay safe and say, “Of course I won’t
tell.” or even, “Yes, I think that's cool.” They might have to
agree with the person who is being weird or scary, even with a big
insult like saying, “Yes, you’re right, my mom is a creep (or
worse).”
It is urgent that, if someone is acting in a way that could be
dangerous, children go an adult they trust and say something like, “This
is about my safety and about the safety of others here at our school.
I need you to promise to protect me from other people knowing that I
am the one who is telling you this. I want you to call my parents (or
another safe adult) right away so they can be with me.”
If children don’t feel safe with any adult at school, it is
important that they tell their parents or another safe adult as soon
as they can. The school needs to know if there is possible danger. In
some situations it may be necessary to make a telephone call to the
school anonymously--which means not telling your name--to someone in
charge, like the principal. Anonymous telephone calls or notes will
only be taken seriously if there are as many specifics as possible
included in the message.
Whether and How to Practice
If children are really worried about somebody shooting at school,
or any other kind of emergency, practicing can help them manage that
worry. In the private school workshop that I mentioned at the
beginning, when the little girl asked her question, the anxiety in the
room was huge. All of the children, and their teachers and parents,
were looking at me, needing an answer.
I said, “Television makes it seem as if scary things like this
are happening all the time. But this isn’t true. Most of us will
live long happy lives and never have to worry about somebody starting
to shoot people at school. But it is good to know what to do in an
emergency. Most of the time, the safest thing you can do is leave
quickly and quietly when someone is acting violent. Just get up and
get out. Suppose that I started acting dangerous. Look around and see
if you know how to get out of this room.... now, all of you, very
quietly leave the room.”
Thirty children found one of the three exits and silently streamed
outside. Then they came back and we went on with our workshop.
Think about the Underlying Issues
In order to create long-term change, each of us needs to find our
own ways of helping to address the underlying issues that lead to
violence in schools and in our communities. Important actions can
include:
• Establishing school policies that make threats, harassment, and
violence in schools against the rules with clearly defined
consequences.
• Providing education and policies to stop prejudice, bullying,
harassment, and any other form of violence in schools.
• Mentoring a troubled child.
• Monitoring and being aware of the ways in which television,
video games, music, the Internet and movies normalize violence for our
children.
• Educating school personnel, law enforcement officials, and
parents about warning signals that can precede violence in schools.
• Making sure that school counseling is available to families
whose children show signals of problems as early in their lives as
possible.
• Helping young people learn conflict resolution,
self-protection, boundary-setting, and confidence skills through
organizing and supporting programs such as KIDPOWER.
Violence in schools can indeed feel like an overwhelming
problem. However, by taking steps both to reduce the potential
of violence and also to help children develop safety plans and habits,
we can promote safer learning environments.
©
Copyright 2004. All rights reserved.
A publication of KIDPOWER TEENPOWER FULLPOWER International
www.kidpower.org
831-426-4407
Permission to reproduce granted with copyright notice and contact
information
at beginning and end of each article used.
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