Sex Offenders and Child Abuse
Stranger safety, boundary setting skills help keep kids safe
Sex offenders known to be living close to home can make safety
concerns stronger. Many parents are frightened when they
discover that registered sex offenders live in their community or
their neighborhood, and they want to know how they can keep their
children safe.
It is normal to feel frightened learning that someone who is known
to be dangerous is living near you. At the same time, your job is to
protect and empower your children without terrifying them.
Worries about what others might do to children can lead adults to
try irrational solutions that serve the sole purpose of helping them
feel safer, but these attempts can make the situation more difficult.
Telling children, "Never walk on that side of the street!"
or, "Never sit on anyone's lap!" can cause them confusion
and anxiety.
Simply telling children what you want them to do in any situation
in your neighborhood – and giving them the chance to practice – is
far more effective. Make sure that people who are supervising your
younger children stay with them at all times.
Tell children who are old enough to go out on their own, "Our
safety rule is that you will check with me first before you change
your plan about whom you are with, where you go, and what you are
doing. Do not go into someone's house or yard until I agree that it is
okay. I also want you to check with me first about when it is okay to
open our door to someone."
Role-play so children can practice walking away and checking first
in a variety of situations. Include the opportunity to practice
walking away from a nice person trying to talk them into coming close
to look at something interesting "for just a minute".
While feeling upset about what someone has done is normal,
demonizing this individual will serve no purpose and will not help
your children be safer. It is important to be realistic. Legally, this
man has served his time and can live anywhere he wants. The truth is
that most of the people who harm children are not registered on lists.
As one of the locally registered sex offenders, this man is likely to
be the first person suspected by authorities if a crime is committed.
At the same time, people who have harmed others sometimes repeat
their behavior. This means that you want to make sure that your
children are never alone with this person, do not go to his house or
into his yard, and do not let him into your home.
If children living in the house where this man is staying are
friends with yours, having them come over is fine, but you want to be
aware of the possibility that they might have been abused. Children
who have been abused who have not had help are most likely to harm
themselves, but they might do something abusive to others.
The best way for your children to protect themselves from abuse is
to be able to set boundaries and to get help if they need it.
Supervise your children's play with all children, including these,
until you are sure that they have these skills.
Both you and your children need to be able to say "No" to
invitations that would break your safety rules without letting
embarrassment or guilt stop you from setting clear boundaries.
Sex offenders may live in your community, but you and your children
still have the power to learn skills that can help keep them safe most
of the time. Positive, practical personal safety workshops for
adults and children, such as those offered by KIDPOWER, can be very
helpful in reducing worry and increasing competence.
©
Copyright 2004. All rights reserved.
A publication of KIDPOWER TEENPOWER FULLPOWER International
www.kidpower.org
831-426-4407
Permission to reproduce granted with copyright notice and contact
information
at beginning and end of each article used.
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