A Publication of KIDPOWER TEENPOWER FULLPOWER International
Written by Michael Linehan or Irene van der Zande
© Copyright
2004 All rights reserved. www.kidpower.org
A Year’s Worth of Safety Tips of the Month
Don't give up:
A Safety Tip from Michael Linehan
When you're applying a new safety skill or idea, don't worry if
it feels awkward at first. New skills usually do. Don't give up. The
key is to make the material your own, by putting ideas into action.
No amount of thinking about swimming will teach you how to swim. You
learn the new skill of swimming when you get into the pool and test
the water. Similarly, when you actually apply the principles of
personal safety, they can become a part of your life. Here is a way
to look at the learning process that might reassure you. In learning
something new, it can be helpful to think about the process taking
four stages:
1. Unconscious incompetence. You don't know something, and you
don't even know that there is anything to learn. Maybe you become
aware of a problem or difficulty. You think there might be a
solution. You are moving towards the next stage.
2. Conscious incompetence. You are aware there is something for
you to learn. You begin to learn the skills. You make mistakes. This
is completely natural as you go through this stage. New skills or
ideas feel awkward. People usually feel clumsy putting them into
action. Many people stop learning new things at this stage because
they don't like to feel awkward. It's okay to feel awkward. Keep
going. Keep practicing. Before long you'll reach the next stage of
learning.
3. Conscious competence. You have put in a lot of practice. You
can use the skill well. It still requires some thinking and
conscious effort. There is still one more stage.
4. Unconscious competence. The new skills are now just part of
your life. They have become your new way of doing things. You have
fully integrated them. You don't have to think any longer: you
simply behave differently. The more often you practice something,
and the more intensely you practice, the more rapidly you will reach
the level of unconscious competence.
We hope when you learn new skills you'll keep going and make them
such a part of your life that you completely forget about it. It's
just your new way of doing things, completely natural, positive and
empowering.
Trust Your Intuition:
A Safety Tip from Michael Linehan
Your intuition is an immensely powerful, innate, survival skill.
Keep paying attention to and practicing your intuition. It will
repay you by speaking to you more clearly, more powerfully and more
often.
Trust your intuition. If the warning bells are going off, there
is something wrong.
Real Self-Defense: A Safety Tip from Michael Linehan
Real personal safety is much more than physical techniques! Each
of you reading this has the potential of enormous physical and
emotional strength ready to keep you and your family safe. You can
be courageous. And you each can have a powerful survival instinct.
When you ignite the fire inside you - the combination of your caring
for yourself, your personal power, your desire to live and to grow -
there is nothing so powerful.
Recently, Oprah Winfrey had a repeat show in which there was a
wonderful segment on safety. An elderly woman described how she had
defended herself by grabbing a man's testicles and penis and
twisting hard. He did not continue his attack! (I guess that's what
you call 'understatement'.) She threw him out of the house and
called the police.
Woman, child or man - you can defend yourself if attacked most of
the time - if you know what to do and are prepared to do it. We like
to say that the attacker has stepped way outside the bounds of
normal civilized behavior - you cannot continue to give him
civilized consideration if you are going to keep yourself safe.
Think about it now, and decide that you will do what you need to
so you can be safe. You have tremendous power inside you already. If
you want to take a course, the right one can help bring out that
power and help you increase your options. You CAN keep yourself and
your family safe against almost anything.
Believe in yourself:
A Safety Tip from Michael Linehan
You have more courage and strength than you realize. If you are
already in touch with this, know that you have even more! Believing
in yourself really is the foundation of safety.
If it looks too good to be true – it probably is!:
A Safety Tip from Michael Linehan
Looking after your personal safety can often overlap with looking
after the security of your property. A burglary may turn violent if
you are there or if you come back while it's in progress. Car-jackings
are frequently perpetrated with a high level of violence, and so on.
Of concern is protecting yourself from con artists who trick their
way into your house to carry out their crime.
Beware of anyone coming to your door with incredibly inexpensive
offers to fix your roof, check your furnace, inspect your wiring and
so on. Once inside, they may steal from you and worse. If you need
work done, phone a reputable company, preferably after a personal
recommendation from a friend. Beware of "police officers"
wanting your help in an exciting project to trick a criminal. The
real police do not involve civilians in this way. Criminals have
pretended to be all kinds of workers, professionals, charity
collectors and even priests or nuns.
There are far too many tricks to list them here. Use the
principle: If it looks too good to be true, it probably is.
Trust your perceptions and trust what you want:
A Safety Tip from Michael Linehan
There are many different responses a harasser or would-be
attacker may give to your setting a verbal boundary against his
intrusion. Many of them involve trying to turn the situation around
to make it seem as if you are wrong. Some common tactics are:
• Saying it was just a joke.
• Saying he didn’t mean anything by it.
• Displaying hurt feelings.
• Trying to make it seem like you are over-reacting, or crazy.
• Trying to make it seem like you are misunderstanding.
• Telling you what you really mean or really want.
• Suggesting, or even demanding, that you explain and justify
yourself.
• Suggesting you have emotional problems.
• Maybe even suggesting he can help you with those problems.
• Denying his behavior.
• Becoming angry and trying to intimidate you.
This is why it is so important to know what you want when setting
a boundary. Many women say these tactics are most difficult to
respond to when someone they know is using them. They doubt
themselves. They may tend to agree with the harasser that they are
over-reacting or misunderstanding.
ACT!:
A Safety Tip from Michael Linehan
When your awareness or intuition warns you of potential danger,
always ACT to increase your safety.
We may learn to pay better attention to what we sense or feel,
but it will do little good if we carry on with the same action. If
we sense possible danger, it is crucial that we do something to
increase our safety and security. For example you might
• Cross the street to avoid a seemingly dangerous person.
• Break a date because of an uncomfortable feeling.
• Avoid a certain acquaintance.
• Make sure you are never alone with a particular co-worker.
• Turn a one-on-one interaction into a group interaction.
• Make sure that people who care about you know whom you are
with.
But whatever it is you do, pay attention to the warning and do
SOMETHING!
Put yourself first : A Safety Tip from Michael Linehan
When it comes to your personal safety, put yourself first, your
feelings, your well-being and your physical safety. Giving others
the benefit of the doubt could endanger you. Giving yourself the
benefit of the doubt could save your life.
Self-defense is NOT violence!:
A Safety Tip from Michael Linehan
We have, at times, spoken to women who were initially reluctant
to learn truly effective self-defense because they thought of it as
violent - as lowering themselves to the attacker's level.
A surgeon can wield a knife (scalpel) to save someone's life. A
predator can wield a knife to harm someone. "Wielding"
your self-defense skills to preserve your life, and to return to
those who love you and need you, is a powerfully positive and
life-affirming action. It has NOTHING in common with the actions of
those who prey on others for their own pleasure.
So, if you haven't made a decision about this before, please
consider it now - because, when you are in the middle of a situation
it might be too late to think about these matters and to decide what
you are willing to do. Give yourself permission - right now - to do
what you need, to defend yourself. Then, if you ever need to, you'll
be prepared to act immediately, decisively and powerfully to protect
yourself.
Use Alternatives to Drunk Driving:
A Safety Tip from Michael Linehan
Let's step away from harassment and attack to address one of the
greatest dangers posed by people on the road, especially from teens
- drunk driving.
It's bad enough, those who are foolish enough to hurt themselves.
But what really gets to me is the thought of all those passengers,
pedestrians and drivers of other vehicles who might be crippled or
killed by this stupidity.
Let's always be supportive of the youth and other people in our
lives taking the safe alternative; whether that be using the cab
fare we gave them, calling us for a ride, catching the bus, walking
home together, or in staying sober and driving their drunken friend.
Empower young people, support and inspire them to exercise their
personal power to look after every aspect of their emotional and
physical well-being.
Trust yourself...
A Safety Tip from Michael Linehan
Trust experts for your information - but not just people who say
they are experts. Look for people who can give you success stories -
and "buckets" of them - with facts you can verify
independently. And trust yourself and your intuition. Real safety is
actually a fairly simple and common sense matter in many ways. A
wolverine needs no fancy complicated techniques and neither do you.
You already use your awareness and intuition every day -- trust
their messages when they give you a warning. You have immense
knowledge, strength and wisdom inside you. Sometimes it just needs
to be re-awakened. Look for people who can help you do that
Don’t Keep Problems a Secret: A Safety Tip from Irene
van der Zande
No matter what age you are, problems you try to deal with in
isolation tend to get bigger. Just WISHING problems would go away by
themselves usually doesn’t work. The help and perspective of other
people can be important tools in finding solutions to anything that
troubles you. If you are having a problem, take the time and have
the courage to find someone you trust to talk things over with. Help
the children in your life to think of people they can tell. And ask
the people you care about once in a while if there is anything they
have been wondering or worrying about which they have not told you.
DON'T BE THERE: A Safety Tip by Irene van der Zande
The best self defense technique of all time is "target
denial" which means... DON’T BE THERE! Most problems with
people can be avoided if you give yourself permission to leave even
- if doing so is embarrassing, inconvenient to yourself or others,
or might offend someone. If you start to feel that a situation might
become dangerous, get yourself to a safe place as quickly and calmly
as possible.
MAKE OPENING YOUR DOOR A DECISION, NOT A HABIT:
A Safety Tip by Irene van der Zande
You ALWAYS have the choice to open your door when someone rings
or knocks. Once you have opened it, though, you may not have the
choice of closing it easily if you have a problem. Instead of
habitually opening your door when someone is there, THINK FIRST and
open the door only when you are sure you want the person on the
other side of the door to be able to come inside of your home.
MAKE BEING NICE A DECISION RATHER THAN A HABIT:
A Safety Tip by Irene van der Zande
Many times people who attack others use their victims' compassion
against them. They will ask for some kind of help to get a potential
victim into a vulnerable place away from other people. Attackers are
often not at all threatening at first. As many women have said of
rapists, "But he seemed so harmless."
When someone asks you for help, stop and think. Do I know this
person? Are there other people close by who can help me if I have a
problem? Do I really want to help or do I simply feel obligated to?
If a person is truly in trouble, often the best help you can give is
to get other people to help. Even in a crisis, the Red Cross
recommends that you call for an ambulance before attempting to
rescue someone. You will be safest if you assess the situation and
then choose whether or not you want to take care of someone. If you
decide to help, be sure that you do it in a way that ensures that
you are also taking care of yourself.
©
Copyright 2004
A publication of KIDPOWER TEENPOWER FULLPOWER International
www.kidpower.org
831-426-4407
Permission to reproduce granted with copyright notice and contact
information
at beginning and end of each article used. All rights reserved.
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