Bullying in Schools
When our own children are bullying, what can we do?
Bullying in schools, families, and other groups affects the
physical and emotional safety of everyone in the group. Adults
can help children stay safe by teaching children skills to deal with
bullying. In addition, children using bullying behavior need
support in learning different ways of interacting with other
children.
One parent emailed us the following question; our answer follows.
QUESTION: What if my child is the bully?
Sometimes he calls other kids names and pushes them around to get what
he wants.
ANSWER:
Children who bully in this way need safer tools for getting what
they want, better skills for handling the disappointment of NOT always
getting what they want, clear boundaries about what the rules are for
behavior, and consistently enforced consequences for breaking those
rules.
Safer tools can mean learning to ask instead of grab and learning
to look for ways in which everyone can get at least some of what they
want.
Skills for handling disappointment can mean learning how to think
first and calm down when you are upset, learning to wait your turn,
and finding other things to do when you cannot do what you want right
away.
Clear rules means being very specific – NO PUTDOWNS, NO NAME
CALLING, NO PUSHING, NO HITTING. Bullying in schools and other
groups often escalates quickly without clears rules and consistent
adult follow-through on those rules.
It is important that kids see that everyone--especially the adults
around them--are following the same rules. Consistent consequences
need to be thought through ahead of time to make sure that they are
reasonable and will be upheld by all the adults responsible for
supervision.
The bottom line is that the child needs to be stopped from
continuing the bullying behavior quickly, clearly and directly. If
this doesn't work, there might be further consequences like sitting
down for a few minutes instead of playing, having to do something
inside away from other kids for a little while, or losing some
privilege like watching television or playing on the computer.
Bullying in schools and other groups can improve when adults
support ALL of the children – children using bullying behavior as
well as those being bullied – in learning more effective skills for
staying safe, for being powerful, and for getting what they
want. Getting support for stopping bullying behavior sooner
rather than later can make a big difference. Teachers, counselors,
parenting classes, and friends can all be valuable resources.
©
Copyright 2004. All rights reserved.
A publication of KIDPOWER TEENPOWER FULLPOWER International
www.kidpower.org
831-426-4407
Permission to reproduce granted with copyright notice and contact
information
at beginning and end of each article used.
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